The transition of the new me continues, and I do admit to struggling some days with something akin to an identity crisis. People ask how I am and Estee says she's getting back to her old self, but I'm not and never will do. I cannot be the same person I was before being diagnosed with hep c and undergoing 48 weeks of treatment. Post tx is a bit like recovering from a long illness, some days are good and sometimes I am just plain ole tired and grumpy. Probably alot has to do with the frustration of not being as well as I would like to be. I had hoped for a quick detox but didn't allow for the awful aches and pains in my ankles which see me hobble along like the old lady I feel I am some days! So that is frustrating my return to fitness. I do still feel slightly detached from everything and everyone but the feeling is not as strong as when I was on tx, its like its just there in the background, reminding me. Kinda like waking from a bad dream and not quite being able to shrug it off. Ghosts of the past perhaps.
My forehead continues to improve, indeed the redness has almost gone but I do wonder if it will leave a large, faint scar that never fades completely.
My taste buds have also improved and I no longer live on chips, thank goodness. All vegetables taste delicious again and I am getting a much more varied and nutritious diet.
My hair seems to be still falling out, and isn't growing very quickly either, but I don't mind the short crop style for summer, but hope it grows a bit before winter! My nails are still soft - after a lifetime and having unbreakable, strong nails, it feels odd.
It was wonderful to get the undetectable result but already I am worrying about the six month test. I can't do anything more to help the outcome except eat healthily and try and build my strength up, so I must try and put it to the back of my mind for now.
On the positive side I do have more energy than I did a month ago and I have managed to extend my bedtime until around 9pm instead of 7.30-8pm!
Two days later
Today I woke and felt as near my old self as I have done since 7th August last year, and my morning routine felt like it was my routine of old instead of wandering about for hours in my dressing gown and slippers..... it felt like there was a purpose to it all. Still got the achey ankles, but I have read that anti-d's can cause aches in various bones in the body, so can bone cancer but we arn't going down that route. So I am now anxious to get off these pills as soon as possible. I see the doctor about another problem tonight so I shall ask her the correct way of reducing these pills. I never have been depressed but they did help enormously with the side effects of the tx.
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January 2008